This is my second post in an article series I’ve titled, “The 10 Freedom Zappers”.
“Freedom Zappers” are the things that can hinder or restrain us from thinking and living how we want.
The second freedom zapper I’d like to talk about is our desire to fit in.
As social creatures, it’s only natural that we have a desire to fit in with the various groups to which we belong. By fitting in, we rid ourselves of a sense of loneliness or emptiness that might arise when we are deprived of social interaction. We ensure that we always have others with whom we can relate to, share resources with, provide support and protection for, and just be there for when needed.
There’s nothing wrong with fitting in. But how often do we compromise our personal desires and values in order to do so?
In our teenage years, most of us had little concern for developing our own personal values. Children can be kind of evil, and they were sure to isolate and/or tease those who didn’t quite fit the acceptable mold. As adults, we have more freedom to direct our lives and surround ourselves with the type of people we want to be with. Oftentimes, we still feel that pressure to fit a particular mold.
Perhaps your social group is pressuring you to maintain a certain lifestyle in terms of buying the right type of clothes, driving the right type of car, and living in the right-sized house. Perhaps you’re naturally an introvert, but feel pressured to attend every social event in order to not offend anyone or look lame.
Our social groups can also pressure us into making huge life decisions, such as choosing a career we hate or marrying a certain person despite our heart’s desires.
Whatever the case, we should embrace our natural desire to fit in to our various social groups, but not without limits.
The majority of people in the world are followers instead of leaders. I’m talking about followers in terms of how they lead their lives. Instead of boldly taking chances and carving their own path, they look to others to tell them what to do and what is acceptable with their own lives.
Why live a life that’s based on following someone else’s path when we have the freedom and power to create our own paths?
The world actually wants and needs you to be bold in creating your own life. The way we are currently living is not resulting in increased levels of happiness and life satisfaction, despite the great technological advances and material gains we’ve accomplished. By setting limits on our desire to fit in, we can move in a direction that will result in increased happiness in more individuals.
What kind of limits am I talking about?
Any type of social pressure that compromises your personal values should be looked at extra carefully, no matter what social group you’re in. Of course to do this effectively, you must reflect and take inventory of your life values. We’ll discuss how to do this in a later post if you haven’t done so.
I’ll give you a quick, personal example of how I’ve limited social pressure from compromising my values.
I’m currently enrolled in a very rigorous doctoral program where the normal course load ranges between 25-30 hours per quarter. This is easily 10 or so classes that I would need to take every term in order to graduate on time.
I could just follow the conventional path and force myself through it, but some of my personal values are time freedom and living a life with minimal stress. People can judge those values all they want, but they’re mine, and that is how I live.
So to live in accord with my values, I’ve made the decision to take fewer classes than normal and extend the length of my program. This decision might not seem so earth-shattering, but within the context of hundreds of highly intelligent students with the herd mentality of “follow the plan and graduate on time at all costs”, this is an unpopular choice. But guess what? It was my choice.
In summary, don’t kill yourself for wanting to fit in. It’s perfectly natural. What’s unnatural, however, is totally neglecting your personal values and what you want. You shouldn’t feel guilty for putting yourself first and building a life that’s centered on what makes you happy. The world is waiting for you to break free and offer your unique outlook, attitude, and way of living. Be a leader in your life and put your desire to “fit in” in check.
In the next installment of “The 10 Freedom Zappers”, we’ll discuss your job/school and how it sucks the life out of you. More importantly, we’ll come up with some ways to change that.
Art of Sleeping Awake 