This is my first post in an article series I’ve titled, “The 10 Freedom Zappers”.
“Freedom Zappers” are the things that can hinder or restrain us from thinking and living how we want.
The first freedom zapper I’d like to talk about are our parents.
The most formidable years of our life are largely influenced by our parental figures, who presumably do the best they can within their capacity to raise us to be decent people and to function optimally within society. This includes instilling their values within us, which we may or may not agree with as we grow and mature. Conflicting values can strain one’s relationship with his or her parents or pressure one to deny what they truly want in life.
There are numerous ways parents pressure their children to have the same values. I know a few people who decided early on that they weren’t “school people”, but who didn’t have a choice but to pursue higher education. Many parents see this life decision as non-debatable, and fear that their child will live a life without security and fulfillment if they do not pursue an education.
This pressure may even extend to the choice of one’s career. Most parents would love to brag that they raised the child that became the doctor or the lawyer or some other profession with a high income potential and societal respect. Children raised in immigrant families seem to be especially susceptible to this type of pressure.
What happens if the child doesn’t even value the type of careers with a high income potential? Or what if the child seems to want what others would consider just an ordinary job and not even a career? The stress and strain on familial relationships in such circumstances is palpable.
Parents also push their values in regards to religion and spirituality, relationships, sexuality, health, lifestyles, and various other aspects of life. Because they’re our parents and we love them, we try to please them as much as possible because we know that they act out of love and only want the best for us.
We must be careful, however, in not losing ourselves in the process. We must know that although our parents are trying to help us out of love, we have our own lives and our own journeys to figure out. We must follow our hearts and live lives that are true to us, or else we risk living a life of regret. This can lead to resentment toward our parents for blocking the paths we want to explore.
I think, at the end of the day, even if a child does not live up to all of their parents’ expectations, a child who is happy and fulfilled with his or her own decisions should garner the respect and satisfaction of any parent who wants the best for their child. Only you know what makes you happy, and the onus is on you to pursue a life of fulfillment and satisfaction.
If you feel pressured by your parents or other family members to live in a way that conflicts with what’s in your heart and with how you want to live, don’t get upset with them. Understand that they are victims of their own socialization and expectations and are probably coming from a place of love.
Above all, realize that this is your life. You will be the only one with regrets on your deathbed if you live a life that others have chosen for you and not the one you have designed for yourself. Whose life will you live? Yours or your parents’?
In the next installment of “The 10 Freedom Zappers”, we’ll discuss your desire to fit in, how it stops you from being who you are, and how to keep it in check.
Art of Sleeping Awake 